Too Young to be so Old and Tired; Too Soon to be Ensnared

That title, by the way, is the first in my series of "Song lyric titles": titles written by me that sound like they should be song lyrics. If I get enough, maybe I can combine them into something.

I was in so much pain earlier today: ten times worse than the last time I blogged specifically about my pain level, which was ten times worse than anything else. So I felt about 100 times worse than normal. I literally thought I was going to die; not "kill me now", but "I could drop dead any second and I haven't said good-bye to anyone; I don't want to die". I think my friends think I do that for dramatic effect; one of them said to me, "Sarah, if you say that again, I will do it." To which I (of course) responded, "Please do," and then everyone thought I was suicidal. Uggh. I'll never be able to make them understand, will I?

I don't know what kind of sadistic game God thinks He's playing with me, but whatever it is, He's won, hands down. I don't care what I have to have instead; I want out! (If I could have thought about it at the time, I now know the level of pain that would make me wish for quadriplegia.)

I wrote the following poem while I was sitting there, because...well, as the title says, just in case. I literally, honestly did not know whether I would survive long enough to come out of that.

Just in Case
If I drop dead, bury me on campus.
If I die, remember this is home.
I love you all; don’t ever forget me.
If I die, it was through trying to survive.

God in Your mercy, stop before it kills me!

P.S. "John", if you're reading, thank you for everything today. I was truly so out of it I can't remember what I said; I hop eit wasn't anything too offensive.