Wednesday, February 25, 2009

New Project

I have decided to "put my money where my mouth is" and actively start supporting help for issues about which I care. I will pick one charity and work towards helping it--donating where I can, telling others about the issue and charity, posting about it here, etc.--for the duration of the year. If it goes well, I will pick a new one. I know I will not make a huge diffrence, but as Mother Theresa once said, "We can do no great things, only small things with great love." I support too many issues to pick a specific charity, so I will post information about, and links to, several here. Please comment and le tme know which one to pick for my project this year! I really, really want thi sto be the result of a majority vote: reflecting not just my passions, but the passions of my readers as well.

International Justice (www.ijm.org) is actively working to end the modern slave trade in all its forms. Once victims are successfully brough tto freedom, IJ works to see that they get the legal compensation to which they are entitled, as well as the means to start over again, support themselves, and live successful lives.

Equality for Adopted Children (www.equalityforadoptedchildren.org) is working to secure equal rights for children adopted by, and those born to, US citizens. Did oyu know that a child born outside the US cannot run for president? That an HIV+ child adopted by US citizens must have a special waiver to enter the country (which often adds extra weeks or months to the adoption process), while an HIV+ child born to US citizens residing outside the country does not? These are just a few of the laws EACH is working to change.

The National Marrow Donor Program (www.marrow.org) matches blood and bone marrow donors from their database to patients with life-threatening illnesses who must receive a transplant and/or transfusion in order to live. Donations fund transplant costs and research.

Heifer International (www.heifer.org) donates farm animals to needy families world-wide. These animals produce milk, eggs, wool, etc. for the family to use and/or sell, allowing them to become self-sufficient and even send their children to school! You choose the animal; Heifer chooses the country. (The cheapest is a flock of chicks, ducks, or geese for twenty dollars; most expensive is a heifer for five hundred dollars; you can also donate large things such as livestock development for ten thousand dollars, or invest in chares thereof.)

PLease take the time to comment and tell me which charity to fight for this year!

Watch the Video...Please...

http://buildingtheblocks.blogspot.com/2008/05/143000000.html

THIS is why I am passionate about adoption: international, domestic; infants, older children; healthy children, special needs: this video is why. I know there is major corruption in the adoption industry. I know international adoption in particular is often a last resort for starving mothers, and if we adopt a child with out giving back to their country to whatever capacity we are able, then on some level that child is not really ours, for we are then stealing someone else's child. I know adoptees sometimes feel out of place, adoptions are sometimes disrupted, and even in the families where adoptions are successful it takes work to build and maintain relationships. I know.

But seriously??? 143000000 orphans in the world today?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Story of Triumph

Through my time at this program, I have realized that I have probably had mild RND--undaignosed, of course--for at least the last ten years. The last physical activity that I can remember not hurting is learning to skip in kindergarten. I am having to consciously reteach myself how to walk--pick up the heel, then the toe; heel, toe; heel, toe--because I have not walked "like a human" as my doctor puts it in so long.

And yet I am conquering. I really am. I've been here just over a week, and already I've undone two or three years of pain etc. My doctor has already asked me how I feel about going home sometime next week. (For the record, I told him I would be extremely nervous if he discharged me this Friday, but by next Friday I woul dprobably feel like this was redundant.) I am stronger, more fit, and more energetic than I have ever been--ever, in my life. I have these amazing ab muscles.

I do still hurt after activity, but it's less pain, lasting for less time, after more activity. I am fully functional: running, jumping, dancing with my doctor (his idea, not mine). I am unstoppable. Watch me go.

"Veni, Vidi, Vici."

Thursday, February 19, 2009

HAPPY...just happy.

I really am just so happy here, and proud of myself. I got the exercise I couldn't do yesterday on my first try today, and I only had to repeat the ones I had trouble with today four times each! I better be able to get sports credit for this; I am working out 38 hours a week (seven hours weekdays, hour and a half per day weekends).

I have more energy than I have ever had before, possibly at any time in my life. Forget functioning at 100% of my healthy energy (I hadn't had more than 50%, even on a good day, in months); I am functioning at 100% plus, 100% of someone ELSE (more energetic)'s energy. On seven hours of sleep a night, I feel more rested than I did as a kid on ten hours of sleep...and on ten hours I could be unstoppable.

Tonight I had to go all the way up to the eighth floor, in the main building, to do my laundry. (WHY are there no laundry facilities anywhere near my room?) I ran up three of the five flights of the stairs, and ran down all five. Anytime there's one flight of stairs, I make myself run it for extra PT.

I did power minutes today: one minute each of mountain climbers (stand on hands and toes, one foot forward, one foot back, and keep switching), jump-taps (one foot up on a ledge, one foot down on the floor, keep switching), jump-twists (jumping, feet going one direction hands going the other, then switch), up and down off the floor (down on one knee, then the other; up on one foot, then the other; no hands), and jumping jacks, without rest breaks in between. These were the LAST FIVE MINUTES of physical therapy, after I'd already had Yoga, OT, free period, PT, lunch, music therapy, and more PT. And I still did it.

I am stronger, more energetic, and more flexible. I am learning balance, coordination, and perseverance. Watch me go...I shall be unstoppable.

Perhaps I could conquer the world.

Proud of Myself

I am really proud of myself today! I beat the PT exercise I couldn't get yesterday on my first try! It was a toss-up between trying that one, or the one I almost couldn't get, first; I knew I would have to keep repeating whichever one I did second. I was right; I've now repeated the one that took me eleven tries yesterday three times. There's also another one I can't seem to get today; I've tried that one three times as well.

On the OT exercises, I beat all my times on the first try! I beat my time on the hardest lower-body exercise by 14.2 seconds!

I am hurting more today than I've been in awhile, but the nurse pracitioner says that's a good sign, that it means my nerves are reconnecting properly. In all patients, pain eventually stabilizes or begins to decrease while they're here; most still have pain when they leave but are fully functional. As long as they keep up with their home exercise programs, 92 percent of patients' pain disappears completely and they are still pain free five years later. I have a fairly mild case compared to other kids here; I think my chances are good!

No matter how tired I am, I always make myself run up and down the stairs. I figure it's that much extra PT, so I should get well that much more quickly.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Day 2

I got up this morning at 6:30 (same time I get up for school, actually) after getting almost no sleep because my roommate's parents kept the TV on all night. (How much TV can a person watch? I am totally mystified.) I spent about an hour and a half this morning getting dressed, davening shacharit, and eating breakfast. Promptly at 8:00, the OT came to get me for pool therapy.

Pool therapy was lots of fun, and I got to meet the other kids in the program. There are two girls, ages sixteen and eleven, and two boys. I could tell everybody was hurting, but we didn't talk about it: the rule here is, "We don't talk about pain." And guess what? We were still joking and laughing and smiling like anything. There was one game we played where we had to hit a ball to each other while keeping it out of the water. That was where we laughed and teased each other (in a nice way) the most. And guess what else? I even jumped to hit the ball once or twice.

After pool therapy I had an hour of PT. I am sore all over from yesterday, most noticeably in my abs and quads, but I am now making sure to stretch after each PT session, and it seems to help. They are harder on me today than they were yesterday, the PT told me, "You are not allowed to collapse--EVER." So I said OK. And I stopped collapsing. There was one moment when I was screaming and crying, and the PT just stood there telling me, "You are never allowed to collapse; keep your form; I can't have you crying in the hallways." So I stopped collapsing, kept my form, and finished the exercise. And then I stopped crying.

I did collapse again at the end of the day...they made me retry the exercise...five times. Then they gave up on me for today and told me I was done. Tomorrow I have a doublr block (two straight hours) of PT in the morning, which will be awful while it lasts but then I'm done with that for the day. And I get music therapy tomorrow!

I am very proud of two things today:

1. We (all the others in the program and I) were all in the pool together this morning, and we were running back and forth. I picke dout the fastest runner and decided I was going to catch up with her. I didn't quite manage it--I was about two feet away when the therapist stopped us--but come to find out, this girl has been here for almost a month, is aboutto go home, and was an athlete (playing through her pain) to begin with. And I almost caught up to her.

2. I spent twenty minutes on the elliptical today: walking backward with the resistance at 3, and forward with the resistance at 7; changing every minute. After ten minutes, I got bored, calculated my average number of strides per minute, and decided to beat it. To be sure it was accurate, I met it on a backwards minute, then set out to beat it on a backwards minute: and I did. And then, in the last minute, I beat that average walking forwards with the much higher resistance.

I feel great: I take walks in the evenings just because I want to, and I am walking better than I have since August. On five hours of sleep last night, I have about 10% more energy than I've had on "good" days for about six months.

God works miracles.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Grueling

Grueling day of physical therapy. Fell ten times. Cried twice, not counting the time I completely lost it. Lost it (major sobbing, yelling at everybody) once. I am now going to take a shower and have a nap.

UPDATE: After a shower and half an hour lying down, I feel much better. I have my energy back, and I am not hurting. Read that again: After doing more active stuff than I usually manage in three days, and only an hour or two of rest, I am NOT HURTING. Looking forward to good results from this program after all.

UPDATE: I feel so proud of myself for today, and energized! If God wants to test me, He is going to have to make it a lot harder than this.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Reminder and Funny

http://www.petitiononline.com/a1s9d4f6/petition.html

If you haven't already, please sign my petition. I know I have RND; although RSD is the condition for which this petition requests research they are basically the same syndrome. Certainly the pain itself is described as being the same. Every pain patient deserves a cure!

Also, funny moment from English class today:
I fell asleep in class today while were reading Hamlet. Near the end of class, I woke up because everyone was laughing at something funny "Elaine" had said. What follows is a transcript, to the best of my memory, of my conversation with the teacher:

Me: "What's so funny?"
Teacher: "It can't be repeated."
Me: "Oh...how long did I sleep for?"
Teacher: "Not that long; I think only about ten to fifteen minutes."
Me: "Sorry."
Teacher: "well, you only missed one cue."
Me: "Oh...who read it for me?"
Teacher: "You did; we woke you up and you read it and went back to sleep."

I fully believe him. At first I thought I had no memory of the incident (I would still have believed him); now I think I might remember it, ut not being awake enough to register that I had been asleep or was going back to sleep. Yup...I've got mad skills...I've even taken notes (that actually made enough sense that I knew what I meant and could correct them once I'd woken up!) in my sleep.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Blog Post Number 100

So this is it...my 100th blog post...achieved in just under 6 months of blogging. To commemorate the occasion in a somewhat-traditional blogger fashion, I will list 100 facts about myself. I will try to make them interesting/little known, but really, those who read my blog will probably know most of these already. Because I'm somewhat obssessive-compulsive, I will list my facts in categories, with as many facts as I can think of under each heading.

Clothing
1. I go through favorite-color phases, when most of the clothes I buy are a certain color. I have many purple clothing items from last year, and many brown clothing items from this year.
2. Unfortunately, my pink phase came when I didn't really need anything, so I only have one pink shirt.
3. I love to wear T-shirts that say things. My favorite of the ones I own says "I live in my own little world, but it's OK--they know me here."
4. The best T-shirt I ever read about came from Japan (I think) and said "Save the apartheid boycott of the lesbian nazi lettuce-growers for Jesus of the nuclear whale." It sold out in one day.
5. For my fourteenth birthday, I received an absolutely gorgeous pair of bright red clogs with flowers painted on. I only got to wear them that one winter because I was hurting too much by the next. I can't wait to wear them again!
6. I find the percentage of Ugg-wearers to non-Ugg-wearers slightly unnerving.
7. I do NOT understand dresses that itch in awkward places. What is the point?? How can people stand to wear them??
8. Speaking of clothing-induced discomfort: I have a much better fashion sense than I display in the clothes I actually wear. This is because tight shirts/dresses bother my stomach, tight waistbands bother my waist, and cute shoes just aren't worth it.
9. Any coat I own must have pockets, and I prefer my pants to have them too.
10. My pockets are good for my cellphone, short notes, a good luck something-or-other, or a tissue.

Food
11. My absolute favorite foods are grape leaves and dates. If indigestion and good nutrition were not issues, I think I could live off those foods.
12. I don't like to eat baby carrots without ranch dressing to dip them in.
13. Although I like most sandwiches I've tried, I cannot stand peanut butter, mayonnaise, or tuna salad.
14. Bananas are my favorite "eat on the go" food.
15. My record number of bananas eaten in one day is seven.
16. My record number of cookies eaten in one day is 16.
17. As best as I can recall, my record number of dates eaten in one day is also 16.
18. I can eat seven grape leaves (the size/filling you usually buy in supermarkets) without getting indigested.
19. The best food treat I can ask for is being turned loose in a grocery store with an olive bar, with permission to fill the largest size container.
20. I do not like wine or champagne, and I've never tried stronger alcohol.

Housing/Living Arrangements
21. When I was born, my family lived in a townhouse in Houston, Texas, which had gray carpeting.
22. My family moved to Youngstown, Ohio when I was seventeen months old.
23. Our house there was one floor, with wall-to-wall carpeting in a different color in every room.
24. My carpet was pink.
25. When I was almost five, we moved to a townhouse in the same time. This time the carpeting was beige.
26. While we were in that house, I wrote my name in red marker on the carpet in my room. This incident stands out both as the first time I remember writing and the first time my mother yelled at me.
27. A month or so after I turned five, we moved to Vestal, New York. I got the largest bedroom in the house. :)
28. Our house there has a huge forsythia bush (or perhaps several bushes growing close together) in the back yard: big enough to grow different rooms. That bush was my playhouse growing up, and I couldn't have asked for a better one.
29. I now attend a boarding school in Greensboro, North Carolina; I have my own room here, too.
30. I am not allowed to go into the boys' rooms. I am not allowed to go into the boys' rooms. I am not allowed to go into the boys' rooms. I am not allowed...

Childhood
31. I was born at 12:09 pm on February 8, 1993.
32. I was 18 and 3/4 inches and weighed either 6.5 pounds, or 6 pounds 5 ounces.
33. One of my earliest memory is being at daycare for one day while my parents had to work and we couldn't get a babysitter, and sitting on the ground beside a green metal playground, feeling lost and abandoned while children played all around me.
34. I wore a pink velour jumper to my first day of kindergarten and felt very mature and fancy.
35. I distinctly remember being six years old and completing my first addition problem with a three-digit sum. The sum was 130-something, and I remember being very proud of myself while wondering when I was ever going to need this.
36. The first book I read to a teacher (while working on reading skills) was Anne of Green Gables, unabridged.
37. My best friend and I started a "sister-friendship" club in first grade that lasted unofficially until we "broke up" in eighth grade and with which we were actually involved through third or fourth grade. We used to make my mom lock us in the basement so my brother couldn't bother us.
38. The first picture book I actually tried to read and understand in Hebrew was אגוז של זהב, (The Golden Walnut), which my dad brough thome for my older brother when I was about four. I couldn't actually understand any of it until seventh grade, and couldn't read it easily enough to make it worth my while until last year.
39. As a child, I took three eight-week impov. acting classes (we came up with a basic plot based aorund the characters we wanted to be ahead of time, but the dialogue was improvised on the spot and new for each performance) at my local JCC. I also sang in the chorus as part of my summer camp's production of Annie.
40. Some of my happiest childhood memories come from playing in the creek near my home.

Family
41. My mother is a psychiatrist. I grew up with words like depression, bipolar disorder, mania, id, ego, superego, and Freud as part of my regular vocabulary.
42. My father is a rabbi. He and I studied mishna and gemara together for most of my later childhood, and he was my Bat Mitzvah tutor.
43. My older brother is a music major at Indiana University' conservatory (James School of Music? Maybe?). He is hoping to be a professional recorder player.
44. My younger brother is hoping to grow up to program robots and computers for the military.
45. I am three years, three months, and nine days younger than my older brother. I am three years, five months, and 27 days older than my younger brother.
46. I have two cousins, both my mother's sister's children.
47. My father's brother was married for two and a half years; then his wife left him.
48. My uncle now owns a car service.
49. 130 (fmaily estimate) of my relatives were murdered by the Nazis.
50. I have relatives with bipolar disorder and CRPS ("cousin" to RND). Both have been major inspirations to me in my fight to live a full, productive, "normal" life.

Friends
51. My best, closest, most trustworthy friend is male. And no, we are not dating.
52. The aforementioned friend saved my life last year.
53. I am also friends with his sister and one of their childhood friends. Both are great people and I am honored to be part of their lives.
54. Some of my best childhood memories were made with my "sister-friend" between the ages of five and nine. We used to sit across from each other at the top of the jungle gym and talk about living near each other as adults and our children growing up together, though I think that was when we were a little older.
55. My eighth grade basketball coach, the only person who ever managed to teach me to even semi-routinely shoot a basket while standing still, became one of my closest friends. We still talk regularly.
56. I still remember my best friend from preschool. We left Ohio when I was five; sometimes I like to stop and remember and wonder how my life would be different had we stayed.
57. I have mentioned, I think, ten friends and my mom on this blog in the past.
58. Fourth grade was my best school year before high school because I had two friends and the other kids mostly left me alone. Sixth grade, the year I had three friends, runs a close second.
59. One of my friends is short and redheaded; two are tall and blonde; two are medium height, with dark hair. I am short with dark hair.
60. I consider my younger brother to be a close-ish friend of mine.

School
61. For years, my favorite class was English. Now I'm not so sure, but I think my favorite might be chemistry.
62. Hebrew is one of my least favorite classes, which is odd, because I usually enjoy learning languages.
63. I am in a senior English class as a sophomore. Next year, I will take AP English 11; the year after, AP English 12. My school is weird.
64. Teachers here wind up as so much more than teachers: they become our mentors, third parents, and friends.
65. I am taking Arabic and Literary Magazine as my lunch electives this year. Both are year long courses.
66. Over the course of most school days, I spend time honing skills in at least two languages.
67. By the end of this year, I will ave taken eleven years of Hebrew; three years of Spanish; one year of Latin; and one year of Arabic.
68. I read Shakespeare for fun sometimes.
69. I find school interesting and exciting.
70. A lot of the time, given the choice to work alone or with a partner, I would rather work alone. I am learning to work better in groups.

Hobbies
71. I love to sew, and I am getting rather good at it. It is very difficult to tell the difference between a seam I sewed by hand and one I sewed on a machine.
72. I have never in my life touched a sewing pattern.
73. I also like to knit, but I only know how to make scarves and other flat things. I could probably benefit from some knitting patterns.
74. I like to read just about anything I can get my hands on.
75. I enjoy researching international and domestic adoption, the modern slave trade, and weird genetic disorders.
76. I absolutely live for the theater. Since coming to AHA, I have played Kate in "Watermelon Boats" and Stephanie in "Pizza with Shrimp on Top"; for the last few weeks, I have been stage managing for our musical, "Showtune", which will open (OK, OK, and close too) on Parents' Weekend.
77. I used to enjoy taking long (hour or two on average) hikes in the woods. It's something I'm looking forward to being able to do again.
78. I love to sing, but I only have a slightly-better-than-average voice: not good enough for the world of musical theater.
79. I enjoy writing poetry, plays, short fiction, essays, and blog entries. I have tried several times to write a novel.
80. I am obssessed with Facebook.

My Future
81. One day I hope to adopt an older girl domestically and a younger girl internationally.
82. If living in an area where adequate housing is affordable, I would also like two biological daughters.
83. My future career will definitely involve acting. I'm shooting for Broadway because aiming for anything less is setting myself up for nothing, but it's not a tragedy if I don't make it. I could be perfectly content working at a high school and performing at local community theater shows, and that would give me time and energy to spare for other dreams.
84. One day I want to travel to Israel and pray at the Western wall.
85. I hope to see an absolute abolition of slavery in my lifetime. I know, I know...dream on. Still, as soon as I have a career and my own money, I plan to donate regularly to abolitionist organizations.
86. I will always be an observant Jew, except when it conflicts with theater. Then I will make concessions in order to follow my heart. I am comfortable with this decision.
87. I don't know if I'll end up married or not. I think I want to, but I'm not sure.
88. I am currently planning on getting my college education at NYU Tische School of Acting.
89. I have friends at school with whom I'd be honored to keep in touch for the rest of my life.
90. My children will always know they can be anything they want and that they should stay true to themselves. I will make sure they are safe and in schools where they are happy.

Identity
91. I consider myself an American Jew: Jewish first, American second.
92. I consider my ancestors to be Jewish from _________ (Russia, Poland, etc.) They were not citizens, had no rights, and were most likely persecuted by the local population.
93. When I came to AHA, I changed the pronunciation of my first name from Sarah (SAY-rah) to Sarah (SAH-rah).
94. My last name is still pronounce BAron (BA-ron) like the lord, NOT Baron (BAH-ron) or BAron (Bah-RONE).
95. I do not like telling people my middle name, but I might tell you if you give me chocolate.
96. I believe names are an integral part of our identities, as evidenced by the fac tthat facts 93-96 are about names.
97. I am named after my two great grandmothers: Soroh (translated into Hebrew as Sarah), and Gittle (GIT-tl) (translated into Hebrew as my middle name I don't like sharing).
98. Both of their names were originally Yiddish.
99. I am, in this order: Human, female, Jewish, American, a friend, an actor, and a writer.
100. I am committed to living my life as the best person I can be.

I can't believe you actually read this far! Wow! I hope it wasn't too boring.

So Happy

It is so nice to be feeling good enough to:

1. Shower standing up.
2. Brush my teeth standing up.
3. Get dressed standing up.
4. Get all my homework done, to a standard I find satisfactory if I have time at all.
5. Pay attention in class.
6. Smile, laugh, and realize how lucky I am.

I never realized how many daily tasks I had mechanized down to military-type, choreographed routines in order to save myself as much pain as possible. And this is just in a naturally good phase (though I'm still often in more pain than most people have ever had to deal with for any length of time); imagine how much my life will expand when I'm well again!

I woke up this morning at 4:31, quivering all over with excitement. I didn't understand why; nothing particularly interesting has been planned for today. As I lay in the darkness, I realized, "Oh, yeah...I used to get excited like this, just at the thought of greeting the day."

So nice to be feeling better!

Monday, February 9, 2009

An Excellent Birthday

All in all, I had a truly excellent sixteenth birthday. Yes, all my relatives forgot; and yes, I cried for a while; and yes, I felt my last hope for my relatives to magically become decent people, die. But the good outweighs the bad.

I woke up in the morning to find a Happy Birthday banner across the top of my door, as our dorm does for every girl in the house. In between homework assignments, I made a birthday card for a housemate with the same birthday, and opened my card and my gifts. The card benefitted Unicef, whom I hate at the moment (They stopped adoption from Guatemala without having a backup system in place, and now there are a bunch of stranded children, including those in the middle of being adopted.), but the gift was lovely. I had asked my mother for fabric, yarn, and sewing supplies; given her a few color guidelines; and asked her to surprise me. I wound up with light turquoise fabric with brownish-red dots; light green fabric with small white dots; tie-dye orange and blue fabric; pink flowered fabric; blue paisley flowered fabric; orange, blue, turquoise, white, and pink thread; two packs of buttons in different color schemes; self-patterning yarn varying from green through blue to purple; self-patterning yarn varying from yellow through green to blue; red yarn; green yarn; and a large pack of polyfill (stuffing). Too cool!!!

I spent the rest of the day sewing in between more homework. Many, many people wished me happy birthday in person, or wrote on my facebook wall, or emailed me, or called me. Too many to count! I am in awe at the number of lives I have touched and who have touched mine.

My housemother gave me a card and a giftcard to starbucks. My affiliate housemother gave me a card and a really great keychain. "Jan" gave me a random singing Shrek doll, and "Leeann" gave me a tiny little stuffed dog in a purse. At our dorm's nightly meeting in the evening, I got a cake and a group card. My day ended with the loveliest email ever from "John", sent to me at 10:41 pm.

I am blessed with friends who have become my family. I am blessed!!!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me, and Other Random Ramblings

Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday, my "sweet sixteen", if you will. Fifteen was a very hard year, in more ways than one, but also a year full of growth, progress, and triumph against all odds. I have worked hard this year to be joyful through pain, to overcome my past and scukpt myself into the person I wish to be, and to control the scope of my public emotional reactions--and I have made tremendoues progress in all of the above. I have deepened my spiritual connections, increased the use of my empathy, and learned to let go of mistakes. I am proud of who I am in relation to where I have been.

Sixteen will be another year of challenges to face and obstacles to overcome. I can do it. I've done so much already.

Earlier tonight I was at a Bat Mitzvah party for one of the girls in my dorm, and I was the happiest person on Earth at that moment. I stood in the middle of that party realizing that, for the first time, I had been to the Bat Mitzvah ceremony of someone whose Bat Mitzvah I wanted to attend, someone who cared about me and wanted me there. At the party, I danced with many people, but I most enjoyed dancing with "John"; he even spun me around (slowly, very slowly), and he thanke dme at the end of our dance! (I really have been feeling much, much better recently.) At one point, I left the room and found a quiet place to be alone and cry for joy. It was a beautiful evening.

I do think "John", and perhaps others, has gotten the worng impression of me recently. Due to usually horrible pain, as well as other issues that occasionally overwhelm me, he thinks of me as a normally sad, withdrawn person who needs lots of encouragement to socialize and have fun. Which I am, when hurting a lot...which I was, for the past three months...so perhaps he can be forgiven. Still, that is absolutely not me in a natural state. I am naturally joyous, free, social, and "hyper"...I just haven't had that kind of energy in awhile, so that person has been locked up inside.

I just recently realized that neither "John" nor any of my current school friends have ever known me as a totally healthy human being. I can't wait until I come back from the hospital, (God willing) with the energy to be the real me.

But now I'm tired, so now I'm off to bed. Good night, blog world!

Friday, February 6, 2009

Favorite Foto Friday!

Shout-out to my FRIENDS, "Margaret" and "Jan"!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Someone Up There Has a Cruel Sense of Humor

I have been feeling really good since Friday night--roughly six days. It has been so...precious for me to be able to engage in basic self-care tasks like a daily shower (today I even showered standing up!), doing my laundry (there was a really rough weke when I couldn't do my laundry and just rewore dirty clothes), and taking four extra steps to hang my coat up.

I didn't want to be happy about it, or evne notice it, because I was afraid it would go away again. Today at lunch I finally relaxed, decided this might last for a while, and told "John" how good I was feeling etc. (Telling someone how I'm feeling is to me a major validation of my situation.) "John" told me he wanted to read about it here; I said I would write about it, and we went our separate ways.

Half an hour later--wham. So much for feeling good.

Irony, anybody?

P.S. I have an intake date for the program at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I will be entering the program on February 16 or 17. I will be there for anywhere from one to eight weeks; the average patient staying for three weeks. I will maintain this blog throughout my treatment; once cured (God willing!) I will begin a new blog. Suggestions for titles are much more than welcome, since "Life After Pain" sounds too much like focusing on negativity, "A Normal Teenage Life" will always be misleading for me and for pretty much anyone else, and "Excelsior" doesn't sound so good, either.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Serious.Life Magazine

This is copied from their website:

"I wanted you to know about this publication I’m a part of called Serious.Life Magazine. They just published the February issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It’s a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.

The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (www.riggsfamilyblog.com). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.

Again, the subscription is free, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues. www.seriouslifemagazine.com"