Teenage Males and Sensitivity

I have two large, athletic male friends, whom for the purposes of this blog I name "Dave" and "John". Both are kind, caring, sensitive and committed people, who differ from each other in one regard: my pain.

"Dave" has not known me as long and didn't have a chance to get to know me before the pain climbed unimaginably. I don't show pain at all anymore until it gets to a level where I'm not sure I can survive and don't really care, but whenver I do (and we're just talking facial expression and the occasional gasp), he shoots me a look like, "get over it already". It would be so much easier if he were just a jerk and I could hate him, but he's not and I can't. My entire dorm unanimously agrees that he woul dbe a good father; he is sweet and caring and sensitive about everything but pain.

"John", on the other hand...I can't say enough about how kind and caring and loving "John" is to me. He recently injured his ankle, and it has only made him more kind and caring and loving: his "I understand" has changed to "I feel for you", meaning he now understands enough to know on an emotional level that he cannot understand. I've been flaring really badly since last night (this is the longest it's ever been this bad, or the worst it's ever been for this long), and "John" has jus tbeen amazing. I sent him an email about it last night, and withing three minutes he responded saying, "I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. I feel for you!...You're not in any way a danger to yourself right now are you??!!" (Sadly, yes, his last question was justified.) Then today I saw him at lunch, and he asked, "Why do you look in pain?"

I responded, "Because I am in pain."

"But you're always in pain."

"Because this is really horrible!" I put my face in his arm and cried a little.

He responded in a nice, kind, caring way (NOT a burdened way), "I hate when you cry."

Witness that I was trying really hard not to lean on him, and he not only allowed me to, he even encouraged it, and was unwittingly more understanding and sensitive than ever before.