FEELING BETTER

Wow...just wow. This morning was tough: I fell twice between first and second period, was too tired to keep my head up for very long, and was very, very scared. I forgot three very important patterns I have seen with my pain:

1. Exhaustion is directly proportional to pain.
2. Deep exhaustion lasts for an equal amount of time as the pain that caused it does.
3. The waves of exhaustion come AFTER the waves of pain.

All of which meant that the exhaustion was not a sign of worse pain to come: quite the opposite. I would start feeling better soon--and I did. Those two falls? Yeah, but they were my only ones today. I lay down for 25 minutes after lunch, which made me more awake for English class. I love English class, and I was awake enough to enjoy it, which gav eme an adrenaline rush that carried me through Liturgy class, Algebra tutoring (I just went this once to get help with an assignment), and visiting a friend who's sick in the health center. I came back and lay down for two hours, then ate dinner, and I think that's all the lying down (until bedtime of course) that I'll need to do today.

Tonight I ha dan actual appetite and wanted to eat for the first time in days...I'm awake enough to do my homework...I'm actually thinking about something other than pain. For the last two days my only three waking thoughts have been: "Oh, God, how I hurt!" "I'm sooo tired..." and "Shut up and do your homework anyway." Now, I am remembering moments with "John" and "Lucy" today; I'm researching international adoption (I have weird interests), and I'm planning how to spend my time after I finish my homework...because I actually have energy tonight! I think I'll start my homework in about fifteen minutes, finish that (I have about an hour's worth), knit and listen to music for the rest of study hall, and then maybe I'll go outside for ten minutes or so.

I am still hurting a lot and deeply drained and exhausted, but the difference is unbelievable. To recap:

1. I only fell twice today...big improvement over yesterday's six times and Tuesday's five.
2. I actually wanted to eat. (I still got hungry Tuesday and Wednesday, but had to force myself to do anything about it.)
3. I did not fall asleep or come close in any class today.
4. I have enough energy to do my homework and something else tonight besides.
5. I can think about something other than pain/exhaustion.

I cannot believe how awake I am, how clearly I am thinking, how little I hurt compared to the past couple days! I knew if I were patient I could ride this out.

Thanks for all your prayers, those who have been praying. Thank God for all His miracles.