Happy Birthday to Me, and Other Random Ramblings

Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday, my "sweet sixteen", if you will. Fifteen was a very hard year, in more ways than one, but also a year full of growth, progress, and triumph against all odds. I have worked hard this year to be joyful through pain, to overcome my past and scukpt myself into the person I wish to be, and to control the scope of my public emotional reactions--and I have made tremendoues progress in all of the above. I have deepened my spiritual connections, increased the use of my empathy, and learned to let go of mistakes. I am proud of who I am in relation to where I have been.

Sixteen will be another year of challenges to face and obstacles to overcome. I can do it. I've done so much already.

Earlier tonight I was at a Bat Mitzvah party for one of the girls in my dorm, and I was the happiest person on Earth at that moment. I stood in the middle of that party realizing that, for the first time, I had been to the Bat Mitzvah ceremony of someone whose Bat Mitzvah I wanted to attend, someone who cared about me and wanted me there. At the party, I danced with many people, but I most enjoyed dancing with "John"; he even spun me around (slowly, very slowly), and he thanke dme at the end of our dance! (I really have been feeling much, much better recently.) At one point, I left the room and found a quiet place to be alone and cry for joy. It was a beautiful evening.

I do think "John", and perhaps others, has gotten the worng impression of me recently. Due to usually horrible pain, as well as other issues that occasionally overwhelm me, he thinks of me as a normally sad, withdrawn person who needs lots of encouragement to socialize and have fun. Which I am, when hurting a lot...which I was, for the past three months...so perhaps he can be forgiven. Still, that is absolutely not me in a natural state. I am naturally joyous, free, social, and "hyper"...I just haven't had that kind of energy in awhile, so that person has been locked up inside.

I just recently realized that neither "John" nor any of my current school friends have ever known me as a totally healthy human being. I can't wait until I come back from the hospital, (God willing) with the energy to be the real me.

But now I'm tired, so now I'm off to bed. Good night, blog world!