Selfish? Needy?

Being in pain quite honestly turns me into a person I don't like. Ordinarily, I give a lot to the world: planning fundraisers, advocating for causes, and nurturing friends. I flatter myself that I am patient, loving, and giving under ordinary circumstances.

Not so much when I'm in pain. Short-tempered is a mild description of me when in pain. Often times, I almost literally bite my tongue because every little thing annoys me too much for me to trust my words. I do not have the energy to run big, "save-the-world" projects when I'm in pain, and so I cannot work to save lives that literally hang in the balance. Instead of being give and take, my relationships with my friends become them giving and me take-take-taking.

Although part of me knows I can't help this and it isn't my fault, another part of me feels guilty for taking so much more than I give.