It is so nice to be feeling good enough to:
1. Shower standing up.
2. Brush my teeth standing up.
3. Get dressed standing up.
4. Get all my homework done, to a standard I find satisfactory if I have time at all.
5. Pay attention in class.
6. Smile, laugh, and realize how lucky I am.
I never realized how many daily tasks I had mechanized down to military-type, choreographed routines in order to save myself as much pain as possible. And this is just in a naturally good phase (though I'm still often in more pain than most people have ever had to deal with for any length of time); imagine how much my life will expand when I'm well again!
I woke up this morning at 4:31, quivering all over with excitement. I didn't understand why; nothing particularly interesting has been planned for today. As I lay in the darkness, I realized, "Oh, yeah...I used to get excited like this, just at the thought of greeting the day."
So nice to be feeling better!
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
An Excellent Birthday
All in all, I had a truly excellent sixteenth birthday. Yes, all my relatives forgot; and yes, I cried for a while; and yes, I felt my last hope for my relatives to magically become decent people, die. But the good outweighs the bad.
I woke up in the morning to find a Happy Birthday banner across the top of my door, as our dorm does for every girl in the house. In between homework assignments, I made a birthday card for a housemate with the same birthday, and opened my card and my gifts. The card benefitted Unicef, whom I hate at the moment (They stopped adoption from Guatemala without having a backup system in place, and now there are a bunch of stranded children, including those in the middle of being adopted.), but the gift was lovely. I had asked my mother for fabric, yarn, and sewing supplies; given her a few color guidelines; and asked her to surprise me. I wound up with light turquoise fabric with brownish-red dots; light green fabric with small white dots; tie-dye orange and blue fabric; pink flowered fabric; blue paisley flowered fabric; orange, blue, turquoise, white, and pink thread; two packs of buttons in different color schemes; self-patterning yarn varying from green through blue to purple; self-patterning yarn varying from yellow through green to blue; red yarn; green yarn; and a large pack of polyfill (stuffing). Too cool!!!
I spent the rest of the day sewing in between more homework. Many, many people wished me happy birthday in person, or wrote on my facebook wall, or emailed me, or called me. Too many to count! I am in awe at the number of lives I have touched and who have touched mine.
My housemother gave me a card and a giftcard to starbucks. My affiliate housemother gave me a card and a really great keychain. "Jan" gave me a random singing Shrek doll, and "Leeann" gave me a tiny little stuffed dog in a purse. At our dorm's nightly meeting in the evening, I got a cake and a group card. My day ended with the loveliest email ever from "John", sent to me at 10:41 pm.
I am blessed with friends who have become my family. I am blessed!!!
I woke up in the morning to find a Happy Birthday banner across the top of my door, as our dorm does for every girl in the house. In between homework assignments, I made a birthday card for a housemate with the same birthday, and opened my card and my gifts. The card benefitted Unicef, whom I hate at the moment (They stopped adoption from Guatemala without having a backup system in place, and now there are a bunch of stranded children, including those in the middle of being adopted.), but the gift was lovely. I had asked my mother for fabric, yarn, and sewing supplies; given her a few color guidelines; and asked her to surprise me. I wound up with light turquoise fabric with brownish-red dots; light green fabric with small white dots; tie-dye orange and blue fabric; pink flowered fabric; blue paisley flowered fabric; orange, blue, turquoise, white, and pink thread; two packs of buttons in different color schemes; self-patterning yarn varying from green through blue to purple; self-patterning yarn varying from yellow through green to blue; red yarn; green yarn; and a large pack of polyfill (stuffing). Too cool!!!
I spent the rest of the day sewing in between more homework. Many, many people wished me happy birthday in person, or wrote on my facebook wall, or emailed me, or called me. Too many to count! I am in awe at the number of lives I have touched and who have touched mine.
My housemother gave me a card and a giftcard to starbucks. My affiliate housemother gave me a card and a really great keychain. "Jan" gave me a random singing Shrek doll, and "Leeann" gave me a tiny little stuffed dog in a purse. At our dorm's nightly meeting in the evening, I got a cake and a group card. My day ended with the loveliest email ever from "John", sent to me at 10:41 pm.
I am blessed with friends who have become my family. I am blessed!!!
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Happy Birthday to Me, and Other Random Ramblings
Tomorrow is my sixteenth birthday, my "sweet sixteen", if you will. Fifteen was a very hard year, in more ways than one, but also a year full of growth, progress, and triumph against all odds. I have worked hard this year to be joyful through pain, to overcome my past and scukpt myself into the person I wish to be, and to control the scope of my public emotional reactions--and I have made tremendoues progress in all of the above. I have deepened my spiritual connections, increased the use of my empathy, and learned to let go of mistakes. I am proud of who I am in relation to where I have been.
Sixteen will be another year of challenges to face and obstacles to overcome. I can do it. I've done so much already.
Earlier tonight I was at a Bat Mitzvah party for one of the girls in my dorm, and I was the happiest person on Earth at that moment. I stood in the middle of that party realizing that, for the first time, I had been to the Bat Mitzvah ceremony of someone whose Bat Mitzvah I wanted to attend, someone who cared about me and wanted me there. At the party, I danced with many people, but I most enjoyed dancing with "John"; he even spun me around (slowly, very slowly), and he thanke dme at the end of our dance! (I really have been feeling much, much better recently.) At one point, I left the room and found a quiet place to be alone and cry for joy. It was a beautiful evening.
I do think "John", and perhaps others, has gotten the worng impression of me recently. Due to usually horrible pain, as well as other issues that occasionally overwhelm me, he thinks of me as a normally sad, withdrawn person who needs lots of encouragement to socialize and have fun. Which I am, when hurting a lot...which I was, for the past three months...so perhaps he can be forgiven. Still, that is absolutely not me in a natural state. I am naturally joyous, free, social, and "hyper"...I just haven't had that kind of energy in awhile, so that person has been locked up inside.
I just recently realized that neither "John" nor any of my current school friends have ever known me as a totally healthy human being. I can't wait until I come back from the hospital, (God willing) with the energy to be the real me.
But now I'm tired, so now I'm off to bed. Good night, blog world!
Sixteen will be another year of challenges to face and obstacles to overcome. I can do it. I've done so much already.
Earlier tonight I was at a Bat Mitzvah party for one of the girls in my dorm, and I was the happiest person on Earth at that moment. I stood in the middle of that party realizing that, for the first time, I had been to the Bat Mitzvah ceremony of someone whose Bat Mitzvah I wanted to attend, someone who cared about me and wanted me there. At the party, I danced with many people, but I most enjoyed dancing with "John"; he even spun me around (slowly, very slowly), and he thanke dme at the end of our dance! (I really have been feeling much, much better recently.) At one point, I left the room and found a quiet place to be alone and cry for joy. It was a beautiful evening.
I do think "John", and perhaps others, has gotten the worng impression of me recently. Due to usually horrible pain, as well as other issues that occasionally overwhelm me, he thinks of me as a normally sad, withdrawn person who needs lots of encouragement to socialize and have fun. Which I am, when hurting a lot...which I was, for the past three months...so perhaps he can be forgiven. Still, that is absolutely not me in a natural state. I am naturally joyous, free, social, and "hyper"...I just haven't had that kind of energy in awhile, so that person has been locked up inside.
I just recently realized that neither "John" nor any of my current school friends have ever known me as a totally healthy human being. I can't wait until I come back from the hospital, (God willing) with the energy to be the real me.
But now I'm tired, so now I'm off to bed. Good night, blog world!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Someone Up There Has a Cruel Sense of Humor
I have been feeling really good since Friday night--roughly six days. It has been so...precious for me to be able to engage in basic self-care tasks like a daily shower (today I even showered standing up!), doing my laundry (there was a really rough weke when I couldn't do my laundry and just rewore dirty clothes), and taking four extra steps to hang my coat up.
I didn't want to be happy about it, or evne notice it, because I was afraid it would go away again. Today at lunch I finally relaxed, decided this might last for a while, and told "John" how good I was feeling etc. (Telling someone how I'm feeling is to me a major validation of my situation.) "John" told me he wanted to read about it here; I said I would write about it, and we went our separate ways.
Half an hour later--wham. So much for feeling good.
Irony, anybody?
P.S. I have an intake date for the program at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I will be entering the program on February 16 or 17. I will be there for anywhere from one to eight weeks; the average patient staying for three weeks. I will maintain this blog throughout my treatment; once cured (God willing!) I will begin a new blog. Suggestions for titles are much more than welcome, since "Life After Pain" sounds too much like focusing on negativity, "A Normal Teenage Life" will always be misleading for me and for pretty much anyone else, and "Excelsior" doesn't sound so good, either.
I didn't want to be happy about it, or evne notice it, because I was afraid it would go away again. Today at lunch I finally relaxed, decided this might last for a while, and told "John" how good I was feeling etc. (Telling someone how I'm feeling is to me a major validation of my situation.) "John" told me he wanted to read about it here; I said I would write about it, and we went our separate ways.
Half an hour later--wham. So much for feeling good.
Irony, anybody?
P.S. I have an intake date for the program at Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I will be entering the program on February 16 or 17. I will be there for anywhere from one to eight weeks; the average patient staying for three weeks. I will maintain this blog throughout my treatment; once cured (God willing!) I will begin a new blog. Suggestions for titles are much more than welcome, since "Life After Pain" sounds too much like focusing on negativity, "A Normal Teenage Life" will always be misleading for me and for pretty much anyone else, and "Excelsior" doesn't sound so good, either.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Child Slaves (Restaveks) in Haiti
Purely heartbreaking...why, God??? Why?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKO_AimlpIA&eurl=http://esperanzadelalma.blogspot.com/2007/04/child-slaves-in-haiti.html
Please comment...I'd love to hear your thoughts.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oKO_AimlpIA&eurl=http://esperanzadelalma.blogspot.com/2007/04/child-slaves-in-haiti.html
Please comment...I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Serious.Life Magazine
This is copied from their website:
"I wanted you to know about this publication I’m a part of called Serious.Life Magazine. They just published the February issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It’s a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.
The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (www.riggsfamilyblog.com). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.
Again, the subscription is free, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues. www.seriouslifemagazine.com"
"I wanted you to know about this publication I’m a part of called Serious.Life Magazine. They just published the February issue today, and I am in their Featured Blog Directory. It’s a very high quality magazine… you’ll really like it.
The magazine includes a lot of great content from bloggers you’ll appreciate, as well as great features, photos and other content. The magazine is owned and published by a family who have seven kids, three adopted and one who has Leukemia (www.riggsfamilyblog.com). The magazine gives away a bunch of ads to charities and ministries. Besides great articles on interesting people, there is a lot about family, adoption, personal finance, spiritual life, humor… all sorts of “life” topics.
Again, the subscription is free, and I know you’ll enjoy the magazine, so take a minute to check it out and sign up to get future issues. www.seriouslifemagazine.com"
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