Pretensions (AKA chutzpah, for my Jewish/Yiddish speaking readers)

CAUTION: (If you're from AHA and you like my houseparent, don't read further...you've been warned.)

So I recently found out from my doctor that I will need to go to a hospital in Philadelphia. There they have a month-long, extremely painful treatment program that only sometimes works. If it doesn't work, I will be spending the rest of my life in pain.

As you can imagine, I was not pleased by this news. I have been crying off and on since I received it. Tonight, I happened to be about to cry when we were supposed to be cleaning our dorm for room inspections. My housemother yelled at me to go to my room so I wouldn't be in people's way (great "mother" she is), so I went, and burst into tears as soon as I got there.

I had been crying for about ten minutes or so when she came in. She told me that she knew what I was going through, but she also saw when I chose to decide everything was OK, and she'd like me to make more of an effort. Through my tears, I firmly let her know what I was upset about; her reply was that I irritated people in the dorm by being upset without explanation.

Now. What is wrong with this picture? Let's start at the beginning...

1. An obviously upset student, who everybody knows is in pain, is yelled at to go to her room as if being upset breaks some absurd rule. (Although considering who my houseparent is, I wouldn't be surprised if it did...)

2. She interrupted a crying student to demand an explanation. Ask for one afterwards, if you must ask!

3. She obviously doesn't know what I'm going through--doesn't have a clue what I'm going through--or she wouldn't be telling me to make more of an effort. Anyone who does know what I'm going through knows I do nothing BUT make an effort every waking moment of every single day.

4. I irritate people by being upset without explanation? No, not at all...most people, those who are actually capable of sympathy, realize I'm going through a lot and honestly are concerned when I break down. Concerned, not irritated; concerned, not nosy. They don't need an explanation in order to give me their sympathy.

Which brings me to my last point. I do not, I simply do not, owe anyone an explanation of anything. I sometimes explain some of this to some people because I care what they think of me. But no one, NO ONE, has the right ot barge in on me while I'm crying and demand an explanation. This is why we have doors that can close.