Conscious Sleep

I never get any real sleep anymore. The closest I come to really sleeping is five minute catnaps in class. Yes, that's correct: I get my deepest sleep in class, when I can't stay awake anymore.

This is because my feet are so sensitive to the slightest touch. This translates to: socks hurt me, the mattress hurts me, my blankets hurt me. If the blankets fall off their support during the night, and I'm alive at all, I will wake up to fix them (two or three times a night). If I'm totally dead to the world, they will just rest on my feet, for hours. This totally compromises the quality of my sleep; I get beetter rest on the nights when I wake up two or three times.

That's not even accounting for the fact that I have to force myself into sleep to begin with. I literally consciously make each part of my body fall asleep, even as I know my feet will stay awake. I call this "sleeping around pain". It's not real sleep. I know the quality of my sleep is low because I remember it. I know I'm not getting enough REM sleep, and I'm not going into deep enough sleep in between REM phases, and I know this because I'm almost (not quite) conscious of it as it happens. Not that I'm recording experiences as I sleep, but in the morning, I can remember how restful the last night's sleep was...and not just based on how rested I feel, but based on memory.