An Experiment

I originally created Carried in His Hands (my religion blog) as a way to separate my religious life and my secular life so my readers would not have to weed through one or the other to find what they wanted. At this point, however, I am so wrapped up in religion that it IS my everyday life. Therefore, I am going to try only keeping up one blog, carriedinhishands.blogspot.com , and use it for everything. Please sign up to follow me there!

"My" Little Girl

(Please note that I am posting this on three of my blogs!)

A few of you may remember my commitment to be a prayer warrior for a sweet Russian girl with Down Syndrome who is living in an orphanage. The idea of the prayer warrior system is that each warrior is assigned a specific child for whom to pray every day. Due to life circumstances, I can no longer fulfill that commitment, but I am determined to find a new prayer warrior for "Erin." Just email laurie@reecesrainbow.org and ask to be "Erin's" prayer warrior.

You can see "Erin" by following this link and scrolling down:
http://reecesrainbow.org/category/waitingbycountry/russia/1region

Thank you so much!

My Silence Explained

You have probably noticed that I have been fairly quiet on here recently.

That is not because I am not in pain. I am.

It is not because I am not suffering. I am.

It is not because I am not scared. I definitely am.

But for some reason, blogging about all this does not seem as if it would help. Instead, I am maintaining a religious lifestyle, blogging about it over at carriedinhishands.blogspot.com, and enjoying myself. See you over there!

What's the Point?

What's the point of talking about pain? It won't make things any better. It won't make it go away.

What's the point of talking about pain? I will suffer whether or not I speak up.

What's the point of talking about pain?

People are listening. That is the point. I am not alone. That is the point.

And wow do I feel bad today. During physical therapy, I just about literally hurt everywhere. Even now, I get intermittent pains in my face radiating down my back and out into my arms. My feet are at about a steady five or six, and possibly getting worse.

And I have been on my doctor's waiting list for almost five months now.

I Feel Great!

I think I may have stopped hurting for a while earlier! It's hard to tell because the hypersensitivity is always there, and there is a very subtle difference between "I feel the carpet too much"and "The carpet hurts me". Nonetheless, I really think I was not hurting! My pain never got above a five today, not even during physical therapy, not even on my walk. I even walked around in the grass, just for fun! Why? How? Because RND is just that random...but in my favor for once!

"Silence"

Silence.

I am silent because I am exhausted. I have slept through the night exactly once since Thursday.

Silence.

I am silent because I am in pain. "Home base" is my feet, but my face is almost as bad. I also get random pains, of varying sensations, in many parts of my body, one at a time. They come and go at random, and quite often.

Silence.

Silence,

And a whispered,

"Oh, God."

Not Good...

I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING WELL. Not. Not not not.

I hurt all night, so I'm barely sleeping. My pain has gone all the way up to an eight during physical therapy. I have random body pains as well; sometimes they stab and sometimes they burn. One today was bad enough to make me say "Ow," out loud, on a public street. It takes a lot to make me do this. As I sit typing this up, my hands are hurting. My face also hurts when I walk too much.

I am not OK.